My name is Ford, and if you study with my eight-week program you will learn a system of operating a Nimitz-class aircraft carrier that I developed over two seasons of bombing Japan into a fine dust. It’s called Ford Kwon Do! After one week with me in my eight-week program, you’ll be prepared to crash into parked cars with the strength of a Ford, the reflexes of a cruise missile, and the wisdom of a man.
My name is Volvo, and if you study with my eight-week program you will learn a system of crashing into things that I developed over two seasons of crashing into bollards on the way to prom. It’s called Volvo Kwon Do! After one week with me in my eight-week program, you’ll be prepared to crash with the strength of a Sherman Tank, the reflexes of a breezeblock, and the wisdom of a man.
Have you ever had a bad day? I imagine that fellow is having a bad day. Not the sort of day any of us are familiar with. I’m talking about the sort of day that gets written about in bad pop songs. He’s going through a day that turns into the intro sequence for a daytime TV show, except there’s less jangly music in the background and more assault charges.
Cars intrigue me. Their shape, size, and power don’t really matter to me; I just think they’re interesting concepts. Horseless carriages. A single person can go anywhere with a paved road and enough gasoline. It’s freedom to travel, up to a point. You can go anywhere, anytime, as long as you have enough cash laying around to fill the tank. It’s getting harder and harder to find enough loose cash for that sort of thing. I can’t tell if I’m going broke or if gas is getting pricy.