You May Be Safer Than Everyone Else, But You’re Still Driving A Volvo
My name is Volvo, and if you study with my eight-week program you will learn a system of crashing into things that I developed over two seasons of crashing into bollards on the way to prom. It’s called Volvo Kwon Do! After one week with me in my eight-week program, you’ll be prepared to crash with the strength of a Sherman Tank, the reflexes of a breezeblock, and the wisdom of a man.
At Volvo Kwan Do, we use the buddy system. No more flying solo. You need somebody watching your back at all times. Second off, you’re gonna learn to discipline your image. You think I got where I am today because I dressed like Peter Pan over here? Take a look at what I’m wearing, people. You think anybody wants a roundhouse kick to the face while I’m wearing these bad boys? Forget about it.
Last off, my students will learn about self respect. You think anybody thinks I’m a failure because I go home to Starla at night? Forget about it! Now, for only $300 you can sign up right now — for my eight-week program.
One thought on “You May Be Safer Than Everyone Else, But You’re Still Driving A Volvo”
Wow. So many questions: with all that crashing practice, does he ever forget when he’s driving a normal car and just start crashing into things at random? Where the hell does a Volvo keep its engine, if the front end can take that much damage and still leave enough room for it to function? Is the driver’s spine made of rubber, or does he have such awesome healthcare wherever he is that he can just get a new spine every three crashes or so?
Now I kind of want a Volvo. I’m a mom, so I can totally get away with it.