What if Mike Tyson Was a Halfback?

What if Mike Tyson Was a Halfback?

So, Marshawn Lynch retired. He went, willingly, to NFL Siberia first. Oakland is one of those places you end up, or you start out. Never both. But going enthusiastically to Oakland to wind up his career was just Marshawn being Marshawn.

The highlight reel lingers over his stay in Seattle. That’s understandable. That’s his Lombardi interlude. But it was in Buffalo that he truly mattered. That team didn’t stink, really. It was just good enough to be transformed into something compelling to watch by adding him to the roster. If he’d have stayed there, he’d have been a god in western New York. That’s not a very steep Olympus to climb, so he went elsewhere to be noticed.

He’ll never get in the Hall of Fame. But many years after you have to look up the names and stats of the people who get in instead of him, people will still be playing the clip of the Beastquake over and over. Perhaps it’s better to be one of a kind than simply among the best of your peers.

The Junkyard Is the New Factory Floor

The Junkyard Is the New Factory Floor

Doing the Lord’s work here, putting a 240 Z back on the road in some form or fashion. I like it better when these projects just restore the cars to their original looks, maybe with upgrades to the way they run. But we’ll take what we can get. New cars ain’t got no soul, so you have to look in the graveyard for some.

Remind Me Again. Who Won the Cold War?

Remind Me Again. Who Won the Cold War?

So this Siberian nutjob made a log cabin sauna on top of the Soviet version of a Jeep Wagoneer. Then he picked up a load of pallet lumber and stripp… er, I mean “showgirls.” Then he drives around while they thrash each other with birch branches and giggle.

You know, we went to the moon, cured polio, tamed rivers, put big chrome fins on cars, and otherwise bestrode the world like a colossus. We weren’t losers, exactly, but it’s dawning on me that we may have suffered from misplaced priorities. Why sweat a few Chernobyls and famines along the way, if the road leads to a log cabin steambath paradise?