You Forgot The Short Pants

You Forgot The Short Pants

How to write an AC/DC song. Yeah, it’s glorious, Yeah, it’s right on the money. But they forgot to mention that you have to wear short pants while you’re composing and playing the song. And one more thing; you don’t sing like Marge Simpson to finish the effect. You sing like Patty and Selma Bouvier.

Sniff. Sob. I Miss Guillows

Sniff. Sob. I Miss Guillows

Man, when I was a kid, we’d make these Guillow’s wood framed airplane replicas. They were made of balsa wood, mostly. I loved building those crazy WWI biplanes and triplanes. The construction was unbelievably intricate. It was basically building the actual plane, just smaller. The wings and fuselage would get covered with some sort of flimsy paper stuff, and you’d paint it with some kind of toxic goo that gave you a headache for a month. Then you’d wind up the rubber band motor, the plane would immediately crash, and the whole thing would be destroyed.

Wait, I forgot. I don’t miss that at all.

Stop Trying To Make Subarus Cool

Stop Trying To Make Subarus Cool

I’m sorry, but Subarus can’t be cool. It’s an impossibility. No matter how hard you try, no matter how many wild, wacky stunts you perform in and around one, no matter how many sugar-caffeine-taurine drinks sponsor you, no matter how many leggy supermodels you get to stand next to your vehicles, you’ll always be a frumpy wagon with an elderly golden retriever in the back, a cross-country ski rack on the roof, and an elaborate lidded coffee mug in the cup holder. Embrace the meh.

(Thanks to old friend Charles Schneider for sending that one along)