King of the World

King of the World

We were all born kings. We were carried around on tuffets and sedan chairs and sat on thrones. Queens paraded us through the streets and we waved and everyone waved back. We were kings of the world. Do something worthy of that great station. Make a prince with your consort and keep the whole ball of wax rolling along.

1979 Triumph Spitfire. Some Assembly Required. You Know, After the Disassembly That’s Required

1979 Triumph Spitfire. Some Assembly Required. You Know, After the Disassembly That’s Required

Officially, this car is just being detailed. That’s what these guys do. A man with a Triumph Spitfire taking up space in his unraked leaves gave it away to our heroes here if they would simply agree to get it out of there. Woohoo! Free car. Of course “free car” didn’t mean “free lunch,” so there was plenty of elbow grease required to put humpty hoopty back together again. So what? People go to a lot more trouble and expense to restore less interesting cars. A Triumph Spitfire is a blast to drive. You just have to learn the correct prayers and incantations to intone before turning the key. Look on the bright side: it was just as likely to not start when it was brand new as it is now. It’s a British car, and wiring harness smoke is factory installed.

Real Men of Genius: Ladder Edition

Real Men of Genius: Ladder Edition

This is the dumbest thing I can imagine. No, not the lavender truck. That’s garden variety dumb. No, not the man holding the ladder. Gravity, leverage, fulcrums, friction, it’s all mysterious to him. But most people are like that. He’s nothing special. The guy in the bucket, sort of helping, but not really helping at all, is unexceptional. Most people just stand aside and let other people hurt themselves if they’re bound and determined to try. The man descending the ladder is a dope, of course, but he’s not the dumbest person involved here.

No, the dumbest thing in this video is the guy holding the camera vertically. The rest is conversation.

Of course I don’t have a heart made of stone. I do care. I hope the shrub is OK.

(Thanks to old friend Charles Schneider for sending that one along)

Anyone Can Lay Waste to the Countryside in Wartime

Anyone Can Lay Waste to the Countryside in Wartime

When there’s a hot war on, your typical borderline boy can wreak a lot of havoc. That’s what we’re built for, in evolutionary terms. Fighting and making more little borderline boys: It’s what we do. It’s understood.

But let’s take a moment to recognize true greatness when we see it. Not many of us can cause damage like this in peacetime. Flattening houses is generally frowned upon in peacetime, even if you do have the keys to the tank. Your friends riding up top in the turret probably weren’t up driving a tank through a house for no reason, but you? You’re on a mission. Your not gonna let a little thing like an armistice or treaty or just plain good manners spoil your fun. We salute you, Suriname Steve! It’s hard to know what you were trying to accomplish, but that just makes the accomplishment so much more notable.

(Thanks to old friend Charles Schneider for sending that one along)