Disregard Females, Acquire Currency

Disregard Females, Acquire Currency

The untamed fields of rich, wavy follicles adorning the face of every man can give an accurate picture of whether they’re the sort of person you want to associate yourself with. For example, growing out a full beard takes patience. Women are attracted to patient men because it means they’reĀ  perfectly suited to dealing with everyday problems in a level headed manner that won’t cause extra stress — and they can use the beard to store personal items.

A man with just a mustache can send mixed messages depending on the style of soup strainer they’re sporting. Anything along the lines of what Nietzsche had is acceptable, but after that it can get tricky. With a few strokes of a razor you can go from lumberjack, to pedophile, to genocidal dictator, so be careful out there.

Now, with all that information taken into account, we here at the BSBFB really can’t recommend drinking hair tonic to make your beard grow. It may be poison, which is bad enough, but it tastes like Zima, which is worse.

The Wright Brothers? Never Heard Of Them

The Wright Brothers? Never Heard Of Them

It’s okay, you only need one hand to fly anyway. One hand to fly the plane, and you use the other one to pull chicks. It’s common knowledge.

From what I can see, it doesn’t seem like this fellow is wearing a parachute. I’m all for living on the edge, but I always took that expression figuratively. I suppose he’s not really that high up. If he landed just right, maybe they could harvest his organs. I’m not sure the form at the organ donor place has a check box for “glider pilot,” but there must be someone, somewhere who need a gently dropped kidney or something.

Robots To Replace Wives Entirely By 2015

Robots To Replace Wives Entirely By 2015

How many of you men out there drink beer? Alright, alright, calm yourselves, that was a rhetorical question. Of course you all drink beer, does the Pope poop in his funny hat? Wait, that’s not quite right. Does a bear poop in the pope’s funny hat? Naturally he does, and naturally you all drink beer. How many of you men have had to go through the trouble of getting up off your couch to go get a beer, leaving your perfect butt imprint that took you hours to make. There has to be a better way to acquire beverages.

Now, I know what you’re thinking. “But Charlie, I have a wife and a mini-fridge, and I’m pretty sure polygamy is illegal.” You bring up some valid points reader, but some of us have no wife and no mini-fridge. Polygamy doesn’t even enter into it in a position like mine, because I still need that first wife.

What I need, is a good old fashioned robot to do my bidding. They’re cool, clean, efficient, and oh so hip to the now, if you catch my drift. Order yours now, for only 10,000 tiny payments of $2.99.

Gotta Go At A Reasonable Pace

Gotta Go At A Reasonable Pace

I guess he didn’t get the memo. You’ve got to look out for those pesky right turns. Personally though, I don’t trust right turns in the slightest. It’s like playing the guitar left handed, or wearing plaids with stripes. It’s all the Devil’s handiwork and should be shunned.

Left turns on the other hand, show a sense of civic duty and kindness. If left turns were a person I’d invite them over to look after my small children. Left turns would take out the garbage and do the dishes when mother asks him to. Left turns would listen to soft rock and help old ladies across the street.

Looking back though, I think I’d much rather hang out with right turns. Left turns seems like kind of a wuss.