This Guy Gets It. Bring Back the Dashboard Choke!

This Guy Gets It. Bring Back the Dashboard Choke!

Real men of genius stuff right there. I’m not sure which aspect of it I like best. Of course the power plant that’s normally used to cut plants is sublime. The pull rope starter in the wheel well is inspired. The shower liner door panels are the shizzle. But then he goes and takes it up another notch by putting a real, live choke on the dashboard. American cars were much better when they had chrome on their fins and a choke on their dashboard. And ashtrays everywhere. You know, for your gum wrappers.

(Thanks to longtime reader and friend Johnny Glendale for sending that one along)

We’re An Американка Band

We’re An Американка Band

Nothing beats full auto rock and roll. If the fans get rowdy you can fire a few warning shots to show that you mean business. You won’t need to hire any security, because no one will ever rush the stage. The venue owner will always pay up. No one will ever tell you to keep it down. It’s the only guitar suitable for robbing a liquor store after your gig. Groupies will be fewer and farther between, but they’ll have their hands in the air, that’s for sure.

I admit, a gold plated guitar is almost as bad as a double neck guitar, and this thing’s both. Either should be instant red flags and should be avoided by everyone other than twelve-year-old boys, and everyone that reads this site. But I also have to admit that full auto fretting is the shizzle.

Keep on rocking. The AK guitar is the perfect axe for your next Soviet Bloc party!

Step 1: Steal SR-71 Blackbird Spyplane. Step 2: Watch Video. Step 3: Profit

Step 1: Steal SR-71 Blackbird Spyplane. Step 2: Watch Video. Step 3: Profit

Military pilots are like 50% captains of the football team and 50% valedictorians rolled into one. Being wicked smaht isn’t enough. Being physically capable isn’t enough. You have to be able to pull a bunch of Gs while you’re doing all that thinking, after all. Lummoxes and poindexters need not apply. Then you have to ladle bravery, bordering recklessness, all over being smart and athletic to make the cut. Then, if you’re really dull in addition to all the other requirements we mentioned, you’re qualified to be an astronaut.