Never Go Without Instant Heat Again

Never Go Without Instant Heat Again

Imagine what you could do with a big lighter. You could start a campfire in mere seconds. You could also bring this bad boy to a concert and show how much you love the band. Or you could light all 68 candles on your mother’s birthday cake and cook the frosting a little.

Just imagine these things, of course. Don’t actually do them.

 

The Scent of Adolescent Character – No. 1

The Scent of Adolescent Character – No. 1

Why do all cello players make the same faces when they play? They all play with their eyes shut and their lips pursed. They twitch and bob their heads depending on how hard they are playing.I’m suspicious.

I suspect this is because an actual cello doesn’t make any noise. I think cello players are actually a bunch of ventriloquist singers who sing the notes while only pretending to play them. They’re probably all pretty lazy, too. They want to sit down, but they know singers have to stand through the whole performance. They probably invented the cello as a prop. Hell, some of them might be sleeping. They all have their eyes closed. How would we know? Look at the guy on the left in the video. You can see right through his “cello.” It’s got to be fake.

Cool song, though, bro.

The Neighbors are Confused and Bothered by all the Noise

The Neighbors are Confused and Bothered by all the Noise

My bathroom tap’s been doing the exact same thing for three years; the water comes out in a mystical helix. For the life of me, I could not figure out what was causing it, so I called a plumber to have a look. To this day, he still stands dazed at the bathroom sink watching the water come out of the tap, almost as if he’s hypnotized. I swear I’m gonna get a new plumber.

No Flower Vases Were Harmed in the Making of This Video

No Flower Vases Were Harmed in the Making of This Video

Joseph was always very slow in the morning. He would usually slog out of bed for half an hour and go to work two hours late. His wife hated these antics so much, she decided to set up an elaborate booby trap to severely injure Joseph when he woke up the next morning (that’s the Rube Goldberg machine you see here). However, the trap backfired and now Joseph was all dressed and ready to go. He clocked into work half an hour early, impressing his boss and his workmates.

Joseph’s wife was currently seen shopping for divorce lawyers, anyway.