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Author: aubuchon

Coulda Woulda Shoulda

Coulda Woulda Shoulda

You know, with that amount of technical skill, you could have changed the brake shoes and pads in your car. You could have fixed the washing machine instead of buying a new one. You could have installed the icemaker water line. You could have put a new mortise lock on your back door. You know, the one that keeps sticking and requires you to jiggle the key.

You could have fixed the X-Box eject tray that keeps sticking when you hit the disc eject button. You could have gotten your grandmother’s VCR to stop blinking 12. You could have cleaned your oven.

In short, you could have done something besides make a steampunk ray gun. However, that would have rendered you entirely unprepared for your Halloween steampunk cosplay party. Good call.

Joe Thomas: The Invisible Man

Joe Thomas: The Invisible Man

There is no greater way to learn anything than to watch someone who really knows what they’re doing.  Working alongside someone who knows what’s what is an even faster way to get better at anything. It’s possible that Joe Thomas was the best left tackle in the league while he was playing. He’s a physical freak, of course, like all NFL players must be to even get in the league. But it’s obvious that he didn’t rely solely on his size, speed, and strength to make a living as an offensive lineman. He understood the techniques used by his opponents, and developed techniques of his own to counter them.

And all that talent, and all that preparation, and all that analysis and hard work, was used to keep Brandon Weeden et. al. upright long enough to throw a pass into the ground five feet in front of the receiver. No one ever said life was fair.

Slightly More Flammable Than a Tesla

Slightly More Flammable Than a Tesla

Awesome. All you need is more matches than a 1940s movie detective, and some cardboard. Oh, and a slo-mo camera. Don’t skimp on the glue gun. It’s going to get a workout. Side-cutting pliers come in handy. I’m pretty sure the girlie bracelets are optional. Actually, I’m really sure the girlie bracelets are optional. Upon further deliberation, girlie bracelets are for girls. Knock that off, and get back to arson, as God, man, and the BSBFB intended.

(Thanks to the red-hot Charles Schneider for sending that one along)

The Last Time I Ate A Sandwich Like That I Didn’t Poop Right For A Week

The Last Time I Ate A Sandwich Like That I Didn’t Poop Right For A Week

I’m not sure I approve of the recipes in this video. At first it’s all leather and doilies. The last time I saw that volume of leather and doilies in public was a Stevie Nicks music video back in the nineties. I was really wasted on Zima, as was the style at the time, but I vaguely remember acres of doily and leather, and the sound of a sheep bleating. The nineties was a sad time indeed.

Well, it may have been pretty bleak back in the nineties, but at least we didn’t have to eat our sporting equipment. There was a scrunchie outbreak, followed by a jellies epidemic. People sprouted fanny pack buboes. Collars were popped. Drew Barrymore had some sort of career for some reason that escapes me. Girls wore Guess jeans that had pockets riding so high on the torso that they could get toll change out with their teeth.  Shoulder pads turned ladies shirts into yield signs.

People watched basketball on TV instead of football back then. I don’t remember basketball all that clearly anymore, but if memory serves, it involves smacking a circus geek name Shaquille on the arm and then seeing how many balls he could lob into the stands while men with acromegaly stand on stripes on either side of him. I’m ashamed to admit I never did figure out how they kept score. No matter how many times he heaved it, the scoreboard never changed, so it was hard to follow. Football today is much easier to understand. Everyone that hasn’t belted a girl in an elevator yet lines up on the fifty yard line, and the quarterback heaves a pass out of bounds. Then men dressed like jail inmates put the ball on the one yard line because someone looked at someone else funny, and touchdown records are broken.

Hell, maybe we should eat the equipment.