(Warning: some salty Australian language)

Way out West there was this fella — fella I wanna tell ya about. Fella by the name of Ozzy Man. At least that was the handle his loving parents gave him, but he never had much use for it himself. Ozzy Man, he called himself Ozzy Man. Now, Ozzy Man — he didn’t make a whole lot of sense. And a lot about where he lived, likewise.

But then again, maybe that’s why I found the place so darned interestin’. They call Australia the Deadliest Place On Earth. I didn’t find it to be that, exactly. But I’ll allow anything that swims, flies, or walks is out to get ya. ‘Course I can’t say I’ve seen London, and I ain’t never been to France. And I ain’t never seen no queen in her damned undies, so the feller says. But I’ll tell you what — after seeing Australia, and this here story I’m about to unfold, well, I guess I seen somethin’ every bit as stupefyin’ as you’d see in any of them other places. And mostly in English, too. So I can die with a smile on my face, without feelin’ like the good Lord gypped me.

Sometimes there’s a man — I won’t say a hero, ’cause, what’s a hero? But sometimes, there’s a man. And I’m talkin’ about the Ozzy Man here. Sometimes, there’s a man, well, he’s the man for his time and place. He fits right in there. And that’s the Ozzy Man, in the Australia. And even if he is a lazy man — and the Ozzy Man was most certainly that. Quite possibly the laziest man in Australia, which would place it high in the runnin’ for being laziest worldwide. But sometimes there’s a man, sometimes, there’s a man. Aw. I lost my train of thought here. But — aw, hell; I’ve done introduced him enough.