It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. I remember those innocent years fondly. George Bush was president, gas cost about $2.50 a gallon, and Bud Light was still considered potable. The only riots we had were over sports championships, Capri Sun shortages, and the proper way to wear a golf visor. I killed a man with a soup spoon and a small package of flavoring that I got out of a box of ramen noodles because he insisted on wearing his visor upside-down and backwards. I regret nothing.

I don’t think the USARPS could have happened in any other time period. It’s a symbol of a time and a place. America in the mid 2000s was a helluva time, but all good things must come to an end. Well, it wasn’t exactly a good thing, but it came to an end just the same. Everything started going downhill by 2008.