Like most good spoofy songs, it’s hard to tell where the snideness ends and the affection begins. The Shop Vac Song was a minor hit for Jonathan Coulter about 10 years ago, and videos like this typography masterpiece put the Shop Vac song firmly in the firmament of internet things that matter for 15 minutes.
The life described in the video is supposed to be pointless, monotonous, and soulless. However, it’s exactly the kind of monotonous, pointless, soulless life that 99 percent of the human race, from the primordial ooze to Twitter, wanted for themselves and their children. And by the way, I own two shop vacs. Deal with it.
It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. I remember those innocent years fondly. George Bush was president, gas cost about $2.50 a gallon, and Bud Light was still considered potable. The only riots we had were over sports championships, Capri Sun shortages, and the proper way to wear a golf visor. I killed a man with a soup spoon and a small package of flavoring that I got out of a box of ramen noodles because he insisted on wearing his visor upside-down and backwards. I regret nothing.
2007 was a good year — Diet Coke Plus ravaged the intestinal lining of soda drinkers around the world, Bulgaria and Romania joined the European Union, much to the dismay of the rest of the EU who thought that it was a much nicer neighborhood before half of the former Soviet bloc showed up, and this video was made. While this video being made might not seem like much of a notable event, I assure you that it might be one of the most important videos you’ll see today.
If you’ve ever wanted to take a good hard look at what 8 years ago was like, this is perfect. People where crushing their Barbra Streisand 8-tracks instead of selling them on Ebay, a big mac still resembled food, and you could actually get your hands on a disposable camera. I never thought I’d see the day when I reminisced about 2007 of all times. I was much shorter at the time, and I mean much shorter. I’m sure that for many of you 2007 was a year like any other, but it was rather special for me, because it was the last time I really was a kid. Over the course of a year I went from having the brain of a child to an 80-year-old man, and I’ve been aging backwards since then.
Learn to appreciate the time that you’ve had and the good times you will have. Someday you might find yourself wondering where all the disposable cameras and Barbra Streisand 8-tracks went. Well, you’ll soon discover we’ve crushed them all and thrown them all in the trash where they belong, but you can’t let hat hold you back. Stop living in the past, man. At least we don’t have to worry about Diet Coke Plus anymore.