I’m sure that you all know about Australia’s reputation for being one of the most dangerous places on earth to live, swim, eat, sleep, drink, or just hang around minding your own business, but it can’t be that bad, can it? There are some places in America that are much more dangerous than Australia for the sole reason that there’s very little chance that you’ll be shot by a kangaroo for your loose change. Naturally they have venomous snakes, spiders, fish, and coral reefs, but the also have a lot of deadly animals that aren’t venomous at all. At least the sharks will simply eat you instead of making you crawl around until your blood turns to goo and your muscles explode. By the same token, I don’t think you can develop an antivenin for having your head bitten off.
If you do live in Australia, I think the best course of action is to stay inside and smash anything that comes through the door with a claw hammer. If you’re quick enough, and hold your fire around the pizza delivery guy, you’ll be fine.
Leopards are the most Metal of all the felines. If you could transform animals into music, house cats would be a mixture of smooth jazz and spy movie music. Leopards would be melt your face off – headbang till you’re dead – vomit till you bleed out your eyeballs Heavy Metal. Imagine a series of songs about raining blood, disemboweling stuff, and leaving the toilet seat up. Leopards have that playing in their heads at all times. Except when they’re getting a nice leopard scratching session. Then it’s all cuddles. I like you, the leopard thought. I’ll kill you last (power chords).
This is almost as accurate as a real National Geographic documentary. However, I don’t think it can compete with the caliber of programming that we see on the Discovery channel and History channel every day. There were drugs involved, but no one mentioned Hitler, aliens, or the Illuminati.
I’d also recommend getting a bigger spear. If you’re feeling really adventurous, I’d advise getting out of the water entirely. Never getting near a large body of water again seems like a good option. Personally, I wouldn’t even bathe.