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Category: australia

This is just the sort of nonsense up with which I will not put

This is just the sort of nonsense up with which I will not put

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Well, it would be impolitic to point out that “How many glass windows stops an arrow?” is a bit of a disaster grammatically. We have to make allowances, however. After all, the hosts are from the antipodes somewhere. They’re Kiwis or Auks or Wallaroonies or whatever they call themselves down there. Anyway, they’re good people, so we’re giving them a C+ in grammar, and moving on. I could have saved them some effort with ammo selection. There’s a reason why half a brick was waggishly called Irish confetti back in British Empire days. It’s quite effective, and they’re easier to find than Deerslayer gear or bocce equipment in the middle of a riot.

YOU SHALL NOT PASS

YOU SHALL NOT PASS

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Australia: where even the trees want you dead.

I’m sure that you all know about Australia’s reputation for being one of the most dangerous places on earth to live, swim, eat, sleep, drink, or just hang around minding your own business, but it can’t be that bad, can it? There are some places in America that are much more dangerous than Australia for the sole reason that there’s very little chance that you’ll be shot by a kangaroo for your loose change. Naturally they have venomous snakes, spiders, fish, and coral reefs, but the also have a lot of deadly animals that aren’t venomous at all. At least the sharks will simply eat you instead of making you crawl around until your blood turns to goo and your muscles explode. By the same token, I don’t think you can develop an antivenin for having your head bitten off.

If you do live in Australia, I think the best course of action is to stay inside and smash anything that comes through the door with a claw hammer. If you’re quick enough, and hold your fire around the pizza delivery guy, you’ll be fine.

Gotta Go At A Reasonable Pace

Gotta Go At A Reasonable Pace

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I guess he didn’t get the memo. You’ve got to look out for those pesky right turns. Personally though, I don’t trust right turns in the slightest. It’s like playing the guitar left handed, or wearing plaids with stripes. It’s all the Devil’s handiwork and should be shunned.

Left turns on the other hand, show a sense of civic duty and kindness. If left turns were a person I’d invite them over to look after my small children. Left turns would take out the garbage and do the dishes when mother asks him to. Left turns would listen to soft rock and help old ladies across the street.

Looking back though, I think I’d much rather hang out with right turns. Left turns seems like kind of a wuss.