The untamed fields of rich, wavy follicles adorning the face of every man can give an accurate picture of whether they’re the sort of person you want to associate yourself with. For example, growing out a full beard takes patience. Women are attracted to patient men because it means they’re perfectly suited to dealing with everyday problems in a level headed manner that won’t cause extra stress — and they can use the beard to store personal items.
A man with just a mustache can send mixed messages depending on the style of soup strainer they’re sporting. Anything along the lines of what Nietzsche had is acceptable, but after that it can get tricky. With a few strokes of a razor you can go from lumberjack, to pedophile, to genocidal dictator, so be careful out there.
Now, with all that information taken into account, we here at the BSBFB really can’t recommend drinking hair tonic to make your beard grow. It may be poison, which is bad enough, but it tastes like Zima, which is worse.
Sometimes there’s a man — I won’t say a hero, because what’s a hero? But sometimes there’s a man, and I’m talking about Morishowta here. Sometimes there’s a man, well, he’s the man for his time and place. He fits right in there. And that’s Morishowta in Japan. And even if he’s a strange man — and Morishowta was most certainly that. Quite possibly the strangest in Japan, which would place him high in the running for strangest worldwide. But sometimes there’s a man. Sometimes there’s a man…
Aw. I lost my train of thought here. But — aw, hell. I’ve done introduced him enough.
Nice Fish, It Would Be a Shame If Something — Happened To It
Way out East there was this fella — fella I wanna tell ya about. Fella by the name of Grayson Shepard. At least that was the handle his loving parents gave him, but he never had much use for it himself. Grayson Shepard, he called himself Grayson Shepard. Now, Grayson Shepard — he didn’t make a whole lot of sense. And a lot about where he lived, likewise.
Way out West there was this fella — fella I wanna tell ya about. Fella by the name of the Dude. At least that was the handle his loving parents gave him, but he never had much use for it himself. The Dude, he called himself the Dude. Now, the Dude — he didn’t make a whole lot of sense. And a lot about where he lived, likewise.