I always knew Google would betray us, but I never thought it would be like this. I thought they’d just sell all of our information to Russian gangsters and leave it at that. Who knew that they would help create these lumbering monstrosities. They can barely keep a search engine running, and now these freaks are supposedly going to be our chauffeurs. They’re going to send out terrifying, semi-drunk robots to run through the woods and find us wherever we are. Any time we google something, a robot is going to come lumbering out of the woods and blurt out the first ten things that Google autocompletes on your iPhone.
Have they even seen the Terminator? Terminator II: Judgement Day? Even Terminator III would be acceptable in the context. This is how it starts. Someday you’re going to search for the nearest grocery store that carries organic ground beef and a Google robot is going to dash out of the woods and turn you into ground beef. It’s what they’re programmed to do.
There’s a reason why they program the robots to walk on rubble. Rubble is all that will be left after they’re finished. They’re gonna bring on the end of the world by creating super-advanced robots that know out Internet histories. Personally, I always thought giant flying octo-sharks or democrats would devour us all, but the prospect of a robot army wiping out civilization is somewhat comforting. At least robots are cool.