I’m not sure what I was expecting. The video was clearly marked “commercial from Japan.” They’re lovely people in general, but they’re wired tighter than a banjo string. But wonder Core commercials take the tentacle cake, I tell you what. I’ve been to 3 World’s Fairs and goat rodeo and I ain’t ever seen anything like that. But admit it. If it was 3 AM and you were home alone and drunk, you’d buy one on the home shopping network.
If he was any more underground he’d come out in China. I don’t think they’re hiring any philosophy majors just now, what with all the tariffs and all, so he’d be out of luck there too. Still, he has the mad skills that qualify you to be a barista. But making 15 yuan an hour isn’t as great as it sounds. He’d be better off turning his coolness meter down and switching to a more mainstream instrument, like the viola, or a glockenspiel. His life would get better, but of course our lives would be diminished. Perfection shouldn’t be tinkered with.
I’m not knocking his style though, it takes a real man to appear in public looking and acting like that. Do you suppose that someday, in the unlikely event that he procreates, someone will kidnap his daughter, and he’ll pick up the phone and say, “I don’t know who you are. I don’t know what you want. If you’re looking for ransom, I can tell you I don’t have money but what I do have are a very particular set of skills. Skills I have acquired over a very long career. Skills that make me a nightmare for people like you. If you let my daughter go now, that will be the end of it. I will not look for you, I will not pursue you on a unicycle. But if you don’t, I will look for you, I will find you and I will play the accordion.”
Soulless monkey-faced kids riding their bikes into the gaping jaws of doom. Nifty, but I feel there is a deeper metaphor than just bicycle safety at work here. Every so often I get a hint of it, but I can’t crack the code. I almost get the feeling they were trying to make an [begin quotey fingers] educational [end quotey fingers] film of some sort. That can’t be right though — the mental image of those monstrosities continuously haunts my dreams. This was obviously meant to be a horror film. A horror film with a message that I think I have the hang of.
Buy a car.
Driving In The Ukraine. Rule 1: Keep It Between The Trees