We’re posting this because robots. We don’t need any additional reasons. It’s robots, and what red-blooded boy doesn’t love robots, and want to own robots, or make robots, or steal a robot, or watch videos of robots? Robots!
How many of you men out there drink beer? Alright, alright, calm yourselves, that was a rhetorical question. Of course you all drink beer, does the Pope poop in his funny hat? Wait, that’s not quite right. Does a bear poop in the pope’s funny hat? Naturally he does, and naturally you all drink beer. How many of you men have had to go through the trouble of getting up off your couch to go get a beer, leaving your perfect butt imprint that took you hours to make. There has to be a better way to acquire beverages.
Now, I know what you’re thinking. “But Charlie, I have a wife and a mini-fridge, and I’m pretty sure polygamy is illegal.” You bring up some valid points reader, but some of us have no wife and no mini-fridge. Polygamy doesn’t even enter into it in a position like mine, because I still need that first wife.
What I need, is a good old fashioned robot to do my bidding. They’re cool, clean, efficient, and oh so hip to the now, if you catch my drift. Order yours now, for only 10,000 tiny payments of $2.99.
Look, it’s only a matter of time before this happens. Not a lot of time, either. And we’re going to get what we’ve got coming. We’re going to get a Terminator with the manners of Twitter and the mindset of a blog commenter at 2 AM. It won’t be reasoned with, it won’t be bargained with, and it absolutely will not stop until we stack our our boxes. Or the batteries run out.
Apparently no one at Boston Dynamics watches movies with robots in them. This will end badly. Any Tom, Dick, or Harry, or Dr. Smith could tell you that. The particular way it will end badly is unknown, it’s true. Look up Karl Popper to learn more about that. I don’t think Karl Popper even met a robot, but he’d be the first to tell you that bad things happen when you make robots. Then again, he said bad things happen when you make anything, or decline to make anything, so I’m not sure he’s all that useful for planning your robotapocalypse.
Anyway, your typical borderline sociopathic boy doesn’t care about any of that. We want robots, and we want them yesterday. It’s better if they look like Alicia Vikander, but we’ll settle for Iditarod also-rans, like the video. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go ask my mother for $400 for a pallet of C batteries. No reason, mom. Just planning ahead.