BSBFB

I know the folks at Boston Dynamics aren’t doing it intentionally, but their videos freak me out. I mean, it’s bad enough watching Mick Jagger trying to dance, but having a robot try the same borderline epileptic maneuvers is kinda creepy, not cool. I also think when you’re looking for a song selection, Start Me Up isn’t ideal. It features the line “If you start me up I’ll never stop.” I’m not sure that’s the vibe you’re looking for when you’re manufacturing robots the military are going to use.

Let’s not make trite comments about Terminators. Let’s avoid using the term “self aware.” For once, let’s stop worrying about imaginary problems, and start focusing on real-world woes. We’re just a few precious years, perhaps months, from being required to buy a little, annoying robot for our kids for Christmas. Look at these little fellers. They’re adorable, and they’re small enough to drink out of the little well of water under the Christmas tree, if they were thirsty, which they’re not, thank heavens. Every child in the world is going to want one of these. And by “child,” of course I’m referring to middle-aged men. Same thing.

Now, you might be thinking, hey, I should invest in a little robot dog company. No. That’s not the smart bet. Invest in companies that make AA batteries, because that’s where the money will go. They’re going to make more money than printer ink robber barons, I tell ya.

Hmm. Top speed: 3 miles per hour. That sounds suspiciously like the speed of Jamie Lee Curtis when she’s dragging one leg from a wound from Jason. It sounds vaguely like the speed of Boris Karloff when he’s stiff-legging it over the mountain after drowning that poor little girl. It sounds more or less like what physiologists call “preferred walking speed.”

I wonder what the preferred running speed is when you’re being pursued by a headless yellow pit bull moving at preferred walking speed.

We’re posting this because robots. We don’t need any additional reasons. It’s robots, and what red-blooded boy doesn’t love robots, and want to own robots, or make robots, or steal a robot, or watch videos of robots? Robots!