Let’s not make trite comments about Terminators. Let’s avoid using the term “self aware.” For once, let’s stop worrying about imaginary problems, and start focusing on real-world woes. We’re just a few precious years, perhaps months, from being required to buy a little, annoying robot for our kids for Christmas. Look at these little fellers. They’re adorable, and they’re small enough to drink out of the little well of water under the Christmas tree, if they were thirsty, which they’re not, thank heavens. Every child in the world is going to want one of these. And by “child,” of course I’m referring to middle-aged men. Same thing.

Now, you might be thinking, hey, I should invest in a little robot dog company. No. That’s not the smart bet. Invest in companies that make AA batteries, because that’s where the money will go. They’re going to make more money than printer ink robber barons, I tell ya.