Look, it’s only a matter of time before this happens. Not a lot of time, either. And we’re going to get what we’ve got coming. We’re going to get a Terminator with the manners of Twitter and the mindset of a blog commenter at 2 AM. It won’t be reasoned with, it won’t be bargained with, and it absolutely will not stop until we stack our our boxes. Or the batteries run out.
Apparently no one at Boston Dynamics watches movies with robots in them. This will end badly. Any Tom, Dick, or Harry, or Dr. Smith could tell you that. The particular way it will end badly is unknown, it’s true. Look up Karl Popper to learn more about that. I don’t think Karl Popper even met a robot, but he’d be the first to tell you that bad things happen when you make robots. Then again, he said bad things happen when you make anything, or decline to make anything, so I’m not sure he’s all that useful for planning your robotapocalypse.
Anyway, your typical borderline sociopathic boy doesn’t care about any of that. We want robots, and we want them yesterday. It’s better if they look like Alicia Vikander, but we’ll settle for Iditarod also-rans, like the video. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go ask my mother for $400 for a pallet of C batteries. No reason, mom. Just planning ahead.
True Borderline Sociopathic Boys love robots. We don’t really care what kind. They can kill thousands with lasers, or one person at a time with crushie claws or regular bullets, makes no difference to us. Sexy robots are OK, too, as long as they eventually short their circuit boards and go on violent rampages. We’re open minded on the subject. But these robots are just wrong.
The robots in the video should be replaced by vacuous, unintelligent blonde women. Of course, the customers would be disappointed because even the most vacuous, unintelligent blonde woman in the world could be taught to mix drinks faster than these robots. They would only receive a short interlude of jiggling while the shaker was being used. It’s still better than watching a Roomba mix your drink.
Boston Dynamics serves up another batch of Intertunnel-approved nightmare-fuel to haunt our hearts and minds for the next few weeks. Thanks to them, we can look forward to living in a world where our robot overlords can walk over uneven ground with relative ease. God help us all when they start trying to make the robots look more human. That’s a rabbit hole of weird no one should ever go down.