I’m scared. If that computer can run seven copies of World of Warcraft: Warlords of Draenor, who knows what else it could be capable of. If they put in another terabyte of memory, it might become sentient. The last thing humanity needs right now is a sentient super-computer, loaded down with seven copies of World of Warcraft. That’s enough Warcraft to wipe out the Eastern Seaboard.
I always knew Google would betray us, but I never thought it would be like this. I thought they’d just sell all of our information to Russian gangsters and leave it at that. Who knew that they would help create these lumbering monstrosities. They can barely keep a search engine running, and now these freaks are supposedly going to be our chauffeurs. They’re going to send out terrifying, semi-drunk robots to run through the woods and find us wherever we are. Any time we google something, a robot is going to come lumbering out of the woods and blurt out the first ten things that Google autocompletes on your iPhone.
I don’t think there are enough cooking channels. Think about it — every other type of channel has 10 spinoff channels. MTV has an unholy army of different channels that all play reruns of My Super Sweet Sixteen, 16 and Pregnant, and Celebrity 16 and Pregnant. Why can’t we have a cooking channel completely dedicated to sad cooking shows? I’d watch the hell out of that, and I know a lot of other people feel the same way. This guy could get his own show, and it could be followed by a 30 minute segment of Paula Deen eating a stick of butter while crying into an open vat of pure, steaming lard.
I know a lot of the videos that I post come with the warning “please don’t try this at home”. This is one of the few time when you’re supposed to try this at home. They encourage it. Even I think it would be a cool afternoon project for any young Blog for Boys reader. This is the sort of thing that can get you kicked out of school if you bring it in for show and tell, which makes it an ideal exactly our cup of tea. I might even make one or two if I can be bothered. Of course, I’ll probably get frustrated and buy a Nerf gun like a normal person, but I definitely get a gold star for effort.