Please Stop — You Don’t Have To Do This.

Please Stop — You Don’t Have To Do This.

Dude, you’re at a 10 right now; I need you at about a 7. For the love of God try to tone it down. We’re all sensible people, and we know that you’re going through a lot right now, but you don’t have to do this. You have your whole life ahead of you. Don’t throw it all away by doing a foolish thing like becoming a deranged Russian techno singer.

Think about what your parents would say. You do have parents, right? Think about them before you do anything foolish. Unless, of course, you were birthed from some type of spore. In that case, do whatever the hell you want. We’re far too scared to stop you.

Shine on, you crazy diamond — or something to that effect.

8 thoughts on “Please Stop — You Don’t Have To Do This.

  1. Well well, just when I couldn’t figure out his stupid feces eating smirk, it all hit home. He’s thinking, I can do anything, absolutely anything, flick my tongue and make goofy sounds, use a freakishly high pitch squeal and these idiots just eat it up.

    There a part of me, albeit a very small part, that would like to know what the freak he is singing about. But I’m afraid to know, since he’s probably singing about molesting puppies or some such since only puppy molesters have such a stupid insufferable grin such as his.

    But obviously he’s a big singing sensation in Russia, so he’s got that going for him…(I wonder if he understands sarcasm.)

  2. Hi Tim, thanks for reading and commenting!

    As he is Russian, we might have to give him a pass. He scares me more than an American puppy molester ever could.

  3. Hi Edaddy, thanks for leaving a comment!

    I’m not sure what I was expecting when I clicked your link, but I didn’t expect actual prancing.

  4. I’m pretty sure that this is the result of a truly diabolical series of genetic experiments involving the mixing of shark and dolphin DNA into an unsuspecting human embryo, and then teaching the resulting man dolphin shark to sing and dance in a Clockwork Orange-style facility where a mix of polka music and whale song is played 24/7, and the subject’s limbs and facial expressions are manipulated into the correct poses by a series of electrical stimuli.

  5. Hi Julie, thanks a bunch for reading and commenting!

    In short: yes. In long: yes, you’re absolutely right.

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