My name is Dillon, and if you study with my eight-week program you will learn a system of picking up chick that I developed over two seasons of flying over California. It’s called Dillon Kwon Do! After one week with me in my eight-week program, you’ll be prepared to fly with the strength of an osprey, the reflexes of a cockatoo, and the wisdom of a man.

At Dillon Kwan Do, we use the buddy system. No more flying solo. You need a hot chick watching your back at all times. Second off, you’re gonna learn to discipline your image. You think I got where I am today because I dressed like Peter Pan over here? Take a look at what I’m wearing, people. You think anybody wants a roundhouse kick to the face while I’ve got my chin strap? Forget about it.

Last off, my students will learn about self respect. You think anybody thinks I’m a failure because I go home to Amelia at night? Forget about it! Now, for only $300 you can sign up right now — for my eight-week program.