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Not The Coolest WWI Airplane

Not The Coolest WWI Airplane

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The Fokker D.VII is the best fighter aircraft of WWI. That’s by acclamation of all the parties involved, it’s not an opinion. At the armistice, the Allies specifically demanded that all D.VIIs be turned over to them. That’s respect.

You can watch this particular airplane in action in a movie called The Blue Max. It’s a bit cornball, what with ham actor George Peppard in the leading role, but the air combat scenes are terrific, and there’s copious amounts of sideboob from Ursula Andress.

But being the best doesn’t make it the coolest. Sorry, but the Fokker triplane and the Sopwith Camel were cooler. Snoopy and the Red Baron gotta get their due.

Hardy Kruger Would Approve

Hardy Kruger Would Approve

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https://youtu.be/eH0oUVUR6YE

Holy cow, that’s amazing. I’m speechless. I’m without speech. We’ve all put together model airplanes, maybe. We wheedled the inexpertly molded parts off the little plastic trees and smeared them with glue until the fumes made our heads spin, painted them with all the care and expertise usually reserved for the back of a barn, and then put the lumpy finished product on a shelf, waiting for the cat to knock them on the floor and your mother to throw the pieces out.

This guy literally makes a working miniature Airbus RC airplane right in front of you. It turns out that Hardy Kruger in the Flight of the Phoenix was right all along. It looks much harder to make a miniature version that flies than a full size one, because you’re the aeronautic engineer and the pilot.

You Stay Classy, Continental Airlines

You Stay Classy, Continental Airlines

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Have you ever wanted to fly on a plane with shag so thick it’ll drown a toddler? Me neither, but when was the last time you were able to comfortably stand up in a plane, let alone grab a mixed drink and play pong? Exactly. These days you’re lucky if you have enough room to properly own and operate all four appendages. I’m not in a position to buy my own private jet yet, so I have to settle for the garbage that’s currently on offer. I assume that many of you are in a similar position.

Flying in a commercial airliner is closer to riding on a Greyhound bus than soaring majestically over the clouds. Even the first class cabins in most planes are pretty meh. I’m pretty sure Air Emirates offers hookers and blow for anyone flying first class, but they’re the outlier in this case. The average cabin looks like the inside of a PVC pipe with some carpeting and uncomfortable seats. What happened to the buffet and dinette sets? When did things go so wrong? We don’t have to have crappy, boring plane rides, we just do.

Some people might say that the reason why we’re confined to our seats is for safety, but that’s kind of a load of crap. I’d rather hit turbulence while standing at the bar, getting hammered on complimentary mini-drinks than sitting in a glorified deck chair, surrounded by people who are way too sober to be flying.

Suspect Is Armed And Dangerous, Approach With Caution Unless You Want A Nasty Paper Cut

Suspect Is Armed And Dangerous, Approach With Caution Unless You Want A Nasty Paper Cut

At least he’s doing something with his engineering degree.

There has to be some sort of military application for a gun that makes and shoots paper airplanes. An entire army equipped with paper-airplane guns would dominate the battlefield. I suspect that enemy troops would become so disoriented from the constant barrage of little pieces of paper they would throw down their weapons in disgust and go home. If that doesn’t cause them to flee their position in terror, we could start launching other papier-mâché eggs and small paper animals.

If that doesn’t work, we’ll break out the flamethrowers and then we’ll see how much they like being covered in paper airplanes.