Get that? He’s a “professional daredevil.” Now there’s a man ahead of his time. Back in the day, you couldn’t get into trouble simply by asking to borrow a hole punch from a girl in your office. She knew what you really meant, and HR has been notified, you creep.
Anyway, way back before social media, you had to really try to get fired from your job. It was even harder to become a celebrity for no reason. Stunts were just stupid stuff you did with your friends for free until the police or the ambulance showed up. You’d only get your name in newspaper as a cautionary tale, not as a hero. It’s understandable, considering the times. The circus was still making its way across the country, setting up their flammable tents full of parolees, geeks, and fire eaters to amuse and delight. You had to up your game to get noticed by harming yourself. Evel Kneviel is one of the first to see the potential in busting his ankle for for views and likes. He’s the father of Tumblr, Giphy, and Twitter all rolled into one.
Are you havin a giggle, mate? I swear, you are one cheeky berk, mate. One more word outta you and I’ll hook you right in the gabber. I swear on me mum I’ll turn you into toast, mate. Now shut your mouth or I’m callin in me boys and you’ll be in for a proper rumble. I’ll shank your nan outside Tescos, I will. You’ll be a right mess, ya muppet.
Oi, Oi! You better watch it, mate, or I’ll do your windys in. Be careful or I’ll have ya, ya right bastid. I’ll nick your trackies faster than your nancy face can fart. You’re a load of naff, mate, and you better watch it from now on. If I catch you gawpin again I’ll give you a right pummel. Now bugger off before I lose me temper — mate.
How To Make Your Friends Soil Themselves In 4 Simple Steps
Step 1: Find an airplane. It doesn’t have to be a fancy airplane. Any airplane will do. As long as it can achieve flight and land, you should be fine. Avoid airplanes that don’t have wings — those are usually called cars, and they’re not supposed to leave the ground.
Happy New Year, everyone. I’ve been waiting for this moment for a very long time. Now I can unleash my wrath on anyone who used “It’s 2015” as an argument for anything. It’s no longer 2015, you fools — it’s 2016.