(Warning: mild salty language)

During peacetime it’s hard for people in the military to know what to do with themselves. I know exactly how they feel. If I don’t bathe in the blood of my enemies at least once a month I get all antsy and weird. It takes a lot of dudes to fill a bathtub full of blood, so I run out of enemies pretty quickly, which makes it even harder for me to keep up with my enemy slaying schedule.

Having nemeses has become a luxury for me. These days I’m lucky if I can find one vaguely despicable person to battle with. I can’t even hear the lamentations of their women, because they’re usually single and not looking to be in any sort of serious relationship right now, which is an absolute bummer for me. What on Earth is the point of defeating your enemies and seeing them driven before you if you’re unable to hear the lamentations of their women? I might as well give the whole business up and join the Australian Army. At least they get to go outside and play with their friends.