We’re paying attention to the choppah pilot and the boat, as is appropriate, of course, but let’s take a moment to consider: The Man With the Flags. We could call him the Landing Signal Officer, but where’s the fun in that? He’s The Man With the Flags to us. It’s much jauntier, don’t you think?
I don’t think it would be a very pleasant place to stand, that spot that The Man With the Flags stands in. The pilot at least has a windshield between him and Armageddon. The boat captain is wearing a very big suit of armor indeed. But The Man With the Flags is just out there in his uni, waving his arms around and muttering to himself like a man with Tourette’s, hoping that dang flier doesn’t sneeze at an inopportune moment and send The Man With the Flags into an improvised heli-patrolboat cuisinart.
Here’s to you, Man With the Flags. We salute you! But don’t salute back just now, or Orville will ditch it in the Atlantic and you’ll get busted back to swabbie.
You know, back before Boris Yeltsin showed up and started Russia on a multi-decade freedom bender, those soviets were always up to no good. Recently declassified soviet documents show just how far they were willing to go to realize their dream of world domination and vodka benders by 3:00 PM. Their navy seal program beat anything the United States and NATO could come up with. Look at these soviet navy seals. They’re killing machines, at least if you’re a herring. They’ve been drilled and drilled until they’re nothing but remorseless war machines. Well, they like to swim in circles and say, “ork, ork,” which is kinda silly, but other than that, they’re remorseless.
They swim better than our navy seals. They can hold their breath longer than our navy seals. And unlike our navy seals, they don’t have to ask for permission to nuke people. It’s just a big red button they can push when they’re tired of operating squirtguns to get a treat.
Serious click bait headline on that video. “Helicopter Lands on a Ship in a Terrifying Storm.” If that’s a terrifying storm, I’m Hannah Storm. That’s a pleasant afternoon in the North Sea.
That’s the Danish Air Force. They’ve got a new Sikorsky MH-60R Seahawk helicopter, and apparently it’s still under warranty because hyperbole aside, they are taking chances with it. Of course, it’s the military. That’s a taking chances industry. Whoever wrote the headline probably rides to their cubicle job on a recumbent bicycle, so they describe it like the pilot was waterskiing inside Krakatoa. The guy’s just doing his job. He’s damn good at it, too. Being damn good at your job doesn’t cut much ice on YouTube, so they up the dosage to: Wounded blind commando lands flaming attack helicopter on stolen sinking radioactive battleship during a typhoonicane.