The organ has been drinking
My bowtie is asleep
And the in-laws went back to New York
The pastor has to take a leak

And the crucifix needs a haircut
And the confessional looks like a prison break
‘Cause the altar’s out of cigarettes
And the pews are on the make

And the organ has been drinking
The organ has been drinking

And the bibles are all freezing
And the bridesmaid’s blind in one eye
And she can’t see out of the other
And the organ-tuner’s got a hearing aid
And he showed up with his mother

And the organ has been drinking
The organ has been drinking

And you can’t find the caterer
With a geiger counter
And she hates you and your friends
And you can’t get cake without her

And the organ has been drinking
The organ has been drinking

Not me, not me, not me, not me, not me