Hockey is just an excuse to have a boxing match on ice. The only difference is they give you weapons if you play hockey. Ali versus Foreman would have been much more interesting if they had knives strapped to their feet. They’d look mighty funny cruising around an ice rink in their fancy underpants while Baby Elephant Walk blares over the PA.

Unfortunately, my plan for the ultimate boxing/hockey hybrid will never come to fruition. Starting a national sport is a lot harder than one would first expect, and I simply don’t have the funds. A man can dream though. Someday my genius will be recognized, and we’ll finally have a sport worth watching. Until then, I guess we just have to watch hockey and hope for the best.