Well, try checking the gas. What’s that? There isn’t any gas? What the heck does it run on, coal? Maybe there’s something up with the spark plugs. I thought you were just going to clean the dining room, I didn’t know there’d be any rocket surgery involved. Please Grandpa, don’t hurt yourself — Mom says that if you break the vacuum again we’re going to put you in a home.
And not one of those good homes, either. One from 60 Minutes where they steal your drugs and give you tic tacs instead, and keep the bedpans in the refrigerator.
[Many thanks to the exquisite Charles Schneider for sending this our way]