I mean, seriously, have you seen what women wear? It’s like circus clothes mostly. And they’ll put anything on their feet. Have you ever tried one of those girlie cocktails they’re drinking in the bar? They taste like cough syrup and Fresca mixed together and strained through an underwear drawer sachet. Women even occasionally get the notion they’re qualified to put their cars into reverse while parking. Honestly, women get bad ideas all day long.

But no woman has ever had a worse idea than leaving a baby at home alone with its father. Evar. Nothing good can come of it. A baby can do pretty fair without adult supervision, it’s true. Dad never can.