He’s Looking On The Bright Side: She Made It Almost A Hundred Feet Before Getting Stuck

He’s Looking On The Bright Side: She Made It Almost A Hundred Feet Before Getting Stuck


I see that Cyrillic lettering and I know it’s going to be…

Well –Russian. “Russian” as an adjective and and adverb and a noun all mean the same thing to me: hold my vodak and watch this!

I’ve seen so many dashcam disasters and slav slip-and-slides at this point that I’m learning the language just by hearing it on YouTube videos. Allow me to translate: The driver says, “I’m telling you, there’s a Designer Shoe Warehouse just past that bog.” 

(Thanks to tovarisch Charles Schneider for sending that one along)

Tonight On CBS: Bedside Katana!

Tonight On CBS: Bedside Katana!


Bit of a cough there at twenty-five seconds. Perhaps it should be: Somewhat Tubercular Samurai With A Bedside Katana. Hmmm. He seems a little… heavy for a samurai. Perhaps it should be: Somewhat Tubercular Sumo Samurai With A Bedside Katana. And that really doesn’t look like much of a bed; perhaps it’s a tatami. That would be in keeping with the whole Somewhat Tubercular Sumo Samurai With A Bedside Katana thang. So I guess we should call it: Somewhat Tubercular Sumo Samurai With A Tatami-side Katana. Now we’re getting somewhere. It trips off the tongue, really. But what’s with the shaky autofocus on the camera? Mebbe we should have called it: Unfocused, But Focusing, Somewhat Tubercular Sumo Samurai With A Tatami-side Katana.

And why does he have a trap case over there? That looks like sound reinforcement equipment. Is he planning on amplifying his awesomeness? Because that would be awesome. Then we could call it: Amplified, If Somewhat Unfocused, But Focusing, Somewhat Tubercular Sumo Samurai With A Tatami-side Katana Awesomeness.

I suppose we could just call him Internet Tough Guy. At least it will fit on the tee shirt.

Rules For Borderline Sociopathic Boys, Chapter One: Never Dance On The Five Yard Line

Rules For Borderline Sociopathic Boys, Chapter One: Never Dance On The Five Yard Line


Of course, Chapter Two is: never dance in the end zone, either. Try to look like you’ve been there before, and intimate with your behavior that you plan on being there again.

At first I thought this was a Leon Lett-grade failure; but upon reflection, Leon’s team won that game in a blowout, so he’s just an amusing trivia question. These basketball dudes? A loser is a loser, man.

BTW, to return to the football analogy, the true Borderline Sociopathic Boy knows it’s not “celebrating” they’re doing in the endzone. It’s taunting, or showboating, or grandstanding, or maybe hotdogging, but it all boils down to: acting like a raging a**hole. Don’t be “that guy.”

I Was Worried The Whole Time

I Was Worried The Whole Time


Scared. Discomfited, really. I started to squirm in my seat. About halfway through, I grew almost terrified. I kept on having this vision. It was awful.

Oh, the guy longboarding down a luge run? That was nothing. A trifling thrill for a true Borderline Sociopathic Boy. I just got to wondering if somewhere, a man and a woman was looking at each other and saying, “Listen, honey, they’re playing our song.”