You know, the Germans make good stuff. Great trains, tanks, ball bearings, pop songs; you know, stuff like that. They’re good at producing the highest quality of everything. There’s a reason why Vince from Sham Wow proudly announces that his borderline-functional shammys are made in Germany. Germany has a long and storied history of making good stuff — and invading France.
Way out in the Mid-West there was this fella — fella I wanna tell ya about. Fella by the name of the Carp Hunter. At least that was the handle his loving parents gave him, but he never had much use for it himself. The Carp Hunter he called himself the Carp Hunter. Now, the Carp Hunter — he didn’t make a whole lot of sense. And a lot about where he lived, likewise.
That Gatorade looked a bit flat. I think we need to form a committee to investigate this disturbing turn of events. I’m also relatively sure that the two buckets are not married, and their their hideous spawn is not as legitimate as we’re being led to believe. The truth is out there, people, you just need to make stuff up to find it.
My name is Dillon, and if you study with my eight-week program you will learn a system of picking up chick that I developed over two seasons of flying over California. It’s called Dillon Kwon Do! After one week with me in my eight-week program, you’ll be prepared to fly with the strength of an osprey, the reflexes of a cockatoo, and the wisdom of a man.