Hide your kids, hide your wife, hide you’re husband, because they’re coming for everything you love. They cannot be stopped. Nothing will stand in their way. They make the Nazis look like girl scouts. They make the Stalinist purges look like a nice day at the beach. I weep for humanity because soon there will be very little of us left.
I have no idea what I’m looking at, but I need it to stop. Not only is there nothing on heaven or Earth that could compel me to wear those shoes, I’m never taking this man out to lunch. Even if he offered to pay. Even if he offered to drive and pay and feed me peeled grapes, I would not do it. He licked the bottom of a shoe, that’s all you need to know. I don’t think I need to explain myself further.
Every once in a while, the Blog For Boys has to do something to keep up the appearance that we’re a reputable site that’s suitable for viewing by most humans. We must dispel any notion that we’re secretly trying to control your mind with subliminal messages embedded in the text. Be sure to drink your ovaltine. One of the best ways to keep things on the straight and narrow, is to pay a cat tax to the Intertunnel gods. We’ve sunk to the lowest common denominator to make sure that things run smoothly over here at the Blog for Boys headquarters. Here’s a video of a cat having a religious experience — probably because he drank his Ovaltine.
I lied, I don’t understand. I’m sorry, I just wanted to look like one of the cool kids. Nothing the Japanese do makes sense to me. Everything is wrong, and unholy, and what on Earth have they done to Tommy Lee Jones? He used to be in big-time movies, now he’s an extra in ads for tentacles or whatever. I’m not even sure of what they’re selling and I really don’t want to know. I have enough trouble deciphering American ads. I have no shot when the main character is a dog talking about Tommy Lee Jones’ eyebrows while saying he’s their alien housekeeper. Commercials for pickup trucks confuse me; this blows my mind out of my ears and then expects me to understand the finer points of quantum mechanics.