It’s absolutely staggering to think that my entire life has led up to this moment. I was born, raised, beaten, schooled, fed, and beaten again, all so I could eventually grow up and find this singular video. How extraordinary. I don’t know why I watched it. I don’t know why I feel compelled to write about it. I only know that I wasted fifteen seconds of my life on this drivel, so I’m going to make the best of it.
Many people have told me that there is something wrong with this fine fellow, but I would have to disagree. There is not one single aspect that seems off to me. He gave his little speech, pointed into the crowd dramatically, and was shirtless the whole time. What possibly could be wrong with that? He was quoting Rocky for poop’s sake, there wasn’t anything out of the ordinary going on. He’s not strangling puppies by the dozen and feasting on the goo inside. You people need to take a good hard look at yourselves before you criticize this dear fellow. He who is without sin among you, let him be the first to throw a red bull.
I think we could all learn a little something from our dear musclebound friend. I mean, he said it best; to directly quote him:
“GWHEA GWHEA GWHEA GWHEA GWHEA GWHEA GHWEARGHHHHHhhh.”
What an inspiration.
I had no idea everyone in Wisconsin was profoundly mentally challenged. I mean, I’ve watched this video, like, three or four times now, and each time I expect to see a fleet of short buses appear and enter THE ROTARY, YOU IDJITS, IT’S A ROTARY…
I’m sorry. I got a bit carried away. Ahem. I better call it a roundabout. I guess that’s what Wiscones, or Wiscassetts, or Wiscretins, or Wiscaholics, or Wiscalliopes, or whatever you call people that live in a big, mitteny state that needs to tell people wearing halter-top-Yugos running in a circle on a king-sized toddler’s car carpet not to drive over the median or yell RAMMING SPEED! and crash into each other like blind goats when they get to a ROTARY, IT’S A DAMNED ROTARY, YOU WISCALCULATIONS OR WISCREANTS OR WHATEVER THEY CALL YOU.
Do the coaches have to tell you not to run to third base on a single, too? I mean the players on the Brewers, not T ball. Pull yourselves together over there, will you?
[Thanks to old friend Charles Schneider for sending that one along]
The pied piper has really lowered his standards. I always thought he was one of those PETA fellas who was trying to save all the tiny animals. Looks like he wants a steak just like the rest of us.