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Category: That Rock and Roll Devil Music

Man, John Travolta Is An Awesome Guitar Player

Man, John Travolta Is An Awesome Guitar Player

I know many musicians sell their soul to the Devil in exchange for fame and fortune, but this guy really takes it to the next level. He doesn’t appear to want fame, fortune, or anything else worth having for that matter. He evidently doesn’t want good looks, and he certainly didn’t wish for less body hair, so what does he want? I’d ask Satan to weigh in on the question, but he no longer answers my calls. His secretary puts me on hold, and I have to listen to Highway To Hell on a loop until I give up and douse my phone in holy water to get it to stop.

If I had to guess, I suspect this fellow is trying to melt faces with his blistering speed, like the last scene in Raiders of The Lost Ark, only with fewer Nazis and more potted plants.

Brace Yourself For An Intense Bout Of Air Drumming And Head Banging

Brace Yourself For An Intense Bout Of Air Drumming And Head Banging

Rock music isn’t dead yet, but it’s about to be brutally murdered by whoever the hell these people are. Where did they come from? Where are they going? What do they want? The world may never know, but I’m pretty sure they came here for one thing. To rock your socks off — and to advertise some sort of hair-care product. Damn that hair looks silky.

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Rock Me, Rock Me, Rock Me, Rock Me, Rock Me Amadeus

Rock Me, Rock Me, Rock Me, Rock Me, Rock Me Amadeus


I imagine that Beethoven wouldn’t have been a big Falco fan, but that’s not my problem. I’m sure Mozart wouldn’t have minded as much; he always struck me as having a good sense of humor. Beethoven, on the other hand, always seemed a little too serious for my tastes. It’s good to have a passion for your work, but when you’re so uptight that you could crush a walnut between the wrinkles on your forehead, you need to lighten up a little. Doom and gloom really loses its luster after a while, and Beethoven always reeked of doom and gloom to me. I don’t think he could help it. After the life he had, he’s more than entitled to be a bit moody, but there’s more to life than scowling at strangers in the park. Even if you’re well within your rights to be miserable, it’s much more commendable to project a pleasant demeanor.

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