I imagine that Beethoven wouldn’t have been a big Falco fan, but that’s not my problem. I’m sure Mozart wouldn’t have minded as much; he always struck me as having a good sense of humor. Beethoven, on the other hand, always seemed a little too serious for my tastes. It’s good to have a passion for your work, but when you’re so uptight that you could crush a walnut between the wrinkles on your forehead, you need to lighten up a little. Doom and gloom really loses its luster after a while, and Beethoven always reeked of doom and gloom to me. I don’t think he could help it. After the life he had, he’s more than entitled to be a bit moody, but there’s more to life than scowling at strangers in the park. Even if you’re well within your rights to be miserable, it’s much more commendable to project a pleasant demeanor.

I really, really, really enjoy Beethoven’s Moonlight Sonata. I can’t stress that enough. I like an assortment of his works, but I particularly enjoy the Moonlight Sonata because I’m a sucker for pensive piano music. Although I love the piece, I’m not going to kid myself; it’s the musical equivalent of going to a funeral. A looming joylessness hangs over the whole piece like a wet blanket until the third movement when Beethoven drenches the aforementioned blanket with gasoline, and then lights himself on fire. Unfortunately, musical self-immolation does very little to lighten up the tone of the piece. It’s just as intense and serious as when it started and it didn’t exactly start at a jaunty pace.

I know that being a tortured artist was Beethoven’s thing, but come on, dude, who pooped in your corn flakes? Why the long face? You don’t have to hear your music anymore, but we do, and I’d much rather listen to something sublime and transcendent instead of moody and egocentric. Then again, I’ve bought more garbage CDs than I’d care to admit, so my opinion on Beethoven should be taken with a grain of salt — or ignored entirely. I’m sure that Beethoven would have beaten me with a heavy stick for standing in his sunlight, but I really can’t blame him. I deserve everything that’s coming to me for being subjectively wrong on the Internet.

On the other hand: here’s ole Moze-art showing us all how it’s done.

(Many thanks to our friend Sam for sending this along)