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Category: Russia

With Friends Like These, Who Needs Friends?

With Friends Like These, Who Needs Friends?

I’ve always been very suspicious of virtual reality. I feel like we’ll reach a point where the virtual world is so much more appealing than real life that hordes of nerd with nothing better to do will populate entire online worlds and battle each other in massive online arenas. Oh wait — that’s already a thing. Well, the virtual reality will just make it easier for them to forget about feeding their pets, babies, and or grandparents. I don’t have any virtual reality goggles and I haven’t fed grandma in over a month. She seems to be subsisting by sucking the condensed moisture off her aluminum walker, but I don’t really check on her too often.

Before you accept virtual reality into your homes, think about grandma. Dear god, won’t somebody please think of the children? How many pets will have to resort to self-cannibalization before this menace will be stopped? What are you going to do when you find your terrier eating its own liver with a side of onions and a slice of lemon? Personally, I’m just going to serve whatever is left to grandma, and then go back to playing virtual women’s volleyball.

(Many thanks to the indispensable, indefensible,and inconceivable Charles Schneider for sending this one along)

Something Went Wrong, But I Can’t Quite Put My Finger On What

Something Went Wrong, But I Can’t Quite Put My Finger On What

I feel like he’s missing a few steps. There seems to have been a big disconnect between lifting, carrying, and placing the pallet. About a five foot disconnect to be exact. Someone forgot that gravity exists and doesn’t look kindly on people misusing shipping dollies.

I’d say he got like three feet of air that time, but I know for a fact he got like eight feet of air if you count the height of the truck. He just took a high jump into a concrete slab, and he looked great doing it. I don’t know too many people who can take a hit like that and get up afterwards. Well — get up and stagger around a bit afterwards.

In Soviet Russia: Airplane Flies YOU

In Soviet Russia: Airplane Flies YOU

(Note: activate annotations for the most entertaining subtitles of any YouTube video)

Vodka fixes everything — this is a fact. I know it’s a fact, and I will continue to shout it into the abyss that is the Intertunnel until the day I get bored and stop. The only reason that plane was able to land safely was because of the obscene amount of vodka that fellow brought in his carry-on bags. Without vodka there is chaos, so he probably just averted an international catastrophe of epic proportions.

A Russian cannot function unless he has a couple drinks in him, so vodka man was doing his fellow countrymen a great service. Unfortunately, you can only get so drunk off a simple bottle of vodka, which is why I think that Russians will stop drinking vodka altogether. Having it injected intravenously is a much better option

I Didn’t Know You Could Get That Loaded

I Didn’t Know You Could Get That Loaded

There must have been a pretty strong wind that day centralized in a three feet area around that one guy and his friend. It looks like it’s only about three in the afternoon, so I don’t know why they’re trying to go home so early, they have about another seven hours of drinking ahead of them. If they stayed in the bar they could have completely avoided the wind and everything would have been dandy. There’s nothing that another liter of vodka can’t fix.

I’ve watched so many YouTube videos over my lifetime I’m beginning to recognize patterns everywhere. We’ve essentially been watching the same five videos over and over again with slightly different music in the background. Example one:

Did I just blow your mind? Because I think I just blew my own mind.