BSBFB

(A note from the author: the video becomes even more ridiculous if you turn on the closed captioning.

That was a rhetorical question; unless there’s parkour involved, Russians aren’t allowed to film it. I don’t know the exact reason, but I do have a theory.

Every Russian is ingrained with the desire to crush capitalist pigs and free the proletariat from the shackles of the oppressive petite bourgeoisie, but 100 years of stacking bourgeoisie body parts in the basement of the Kremlin is tiring for anyone. Combine that with a national blood alcohol level of about 0.15 and the answer becomes clear. Throwing bottles and cans at a cat stuck in a tree is the last true Russian pastime that hasn’t been ruined by government. This is their one activity that they can turn to at the end of a long, hard day to cheer themselves up and forget that they’re living in Russia for a few, fleeting minutes.

I prefer to think of this footage as more of a documentary than a bizarre bit of folderol. This is probably the first and last look we will ever get into the underground world of Russian cat saving. Personally, I feel blessed.

No one likes littering — no one. Next to infanticide and voting for the Green Party, littering is one of the worst things a person can do. I may or may not be exaggerating for effect, but you get the point. I have noticed that littering bothers regular people much more than it bothers anyone else, which is strange because they’re not directly affected. The demographics who are affected don’t really seem to give a crap.

Squirrels and other small animals love littering because it gives them a free, half-eaten meal. Hobos like it because they can pick up the recyclables for some of that sweet, sweet bottle return cash. Teenagers like it because they can beat up the hobos and take all their bottle return cash. And the fattened squirrels are run over by motorists, completing the cycle. It’s a beautiful life we lead thanks to littering. We have an entire ecosystem that’s been built up around chucking crap out of your car window, and life has never been better.

Except for all of those stupid porpoises who get their noses caught in those plastic rings that come with a six-pack. From all appearances their lives seem to suck, but they totally deserve it. That’s what they get for being smug little sea-pricks all the time. Who’s swimming around without a care in the world now? Pro tip: it’s not you.

(Many thanks to the incorrigible Charles Schneider for sending this our way)