I’ve always been very suspicious of virtual reality. I feel like we’ll reach a point where the virtual world is so much more appealing than real life that hordes of nerd with nothing better to do will populate entire online worlds and battle each other in massive online arenas. Oh wait — that’s already a thing. Well, the virtual reality will just make it easier for them to forget about feeding their pets, babies, and or grandparents. I don’t have any virtual reality goggles and I haven’t fed grandma in over a month. She seems to be subsisting by sucking the condensed moisture off her aluminum walker, but I don’t really check on her too often.

Before you accept virtual reality into your homes, think about grandma. Dear god, won’t somebody please think of the children? How many pets will have to resort to self-cannibalization before this menace will be stopped? What are you going to do when you find your terrier eating its own liver with a side of onions and a slice of lemon? Personally, I’m just going to serve whatever is left to grandma, and then go back to playing virtual women’s volleyball.

(Many thanks to the indispensable, indefensible,and inconceivable Charles Schneider for sending this one along)