https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PWmfNeLs7fA
Dude, you’re at a 10 right now; I need you at about a 7. For the love of God try to tone it down. We’re all sensible people, and we know that you’re going through a lot right now, but you don’t have to do this. You have your whole life ahead of you. Don’t throw it all away by doing a foolish thing like becoming a deranged Russian techno singer.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c9PNkgv6QTI
Way out in East there was this fella — fella I wanna tell ya about. Fella by the name of чувак. At least that was the handle his loving parents gave him, but he never had much use for it himself. The чувак, he called himself the чувак. Now, чувак — that’s a name no one would self-apply where I come from. But then there was a lot about the чувак that didn’t make a whole lot of sense. And a lot about where he lived, likewise.
The commies have officially broken me. I don’t know how I’m going to live with myself after this. There’s too much going on for me to even describe how I feel. It’s like the Hindenburg all over again. Oh, the humanity! Saying this is the worst thing I’ve ever witnessed is an understatement. I’d avert my eyes, but the images have been burned into my retinas. I don’t know what’s happening, I don’t want to know, and I hope no one will ever tell me.
If the video wasn’t recorded using a potato running at one frame per hour, then I might have had a shot at actually figuring out what’s going on. Even then I don’t think I’d have any real chance. Too much has gone wrong in the world. We’ve gone past the point of no return. It’s only downhill from here. My confusion is palpable. Why is that man being run over by a half track? Why does he have a torch? Why did he set that half track on fire? Why did that flaming man decide to take a nap? Please send help, I need an adult.
… and proud to announce the fewest on-ride fatalities to date.
You can always rely on the Russians to show up on a slow day to supercharge everything with their bizarre antics. All things considered, this one is a bit tame compared the their usual shenanigans; nothing is on fire, and no one sustains any serious injuries. Don’t worry, everyone is loaded, so it doesn’t stray too far from the standard recipe for Russian viral videos.
If you’re not familiar with the standard recipe for Russian viral videos, you should be ashamed of yourself. Any self-respecting Internaut should know it by now. Take at least three Russians; add 12 servings of vodka per person; let them sit in a cold room for about an hour, so they can marinate thoroughly; then release them into the world and film the rest. Garnish with construction equipment if you feel like he mixture needs more pizazz.
There are some variations on the standard recipe that include high explosives and farm animals, but you aren’t guaranteed as many views if someone dies. Also, if you can’t get your hands on any genuine Russians, go down to the corner store and see if they have any Eastern Europeans. While they might have a slightly different consistency than genuine Russians, four out of five redditors can’t tell the difference.
On the other hand, if you tell a Russian that he’s no different than an Eastern European he’s not going to be happy. He’s going to be so unhappy that you might find yourself in the center of a Russian viral video.