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Category: Military

Next Level Logging

Next Level Logging

(Warning: mild salty language)

During peacetime it’s hard for people in the military to know what to do with themselves. I know exactly how they feel. If I don’t bathe in the blood of my enemies at least once a month I get all antsy and weird. It takes a lot of dudes to fill a bathtub full of blood, so I run out of enemies pretty quickly, which makes it even harder for me to keep up with my enemy slaying schedule.

Having nemeses has become a luxury for me. These days I’m lucky if I can find one vaguely despicable person to battle with. I can’t even hear the lamentations of their women, because they’re usually single and not looking to be in any sort of serious relationship right now, which is an absolute bummer for me. What on Earth is the point of defeating your enemies and seeing them driven before you if you’re unable to hear the lamentations of their women? I might as well give the whole business up and join the Australian Army. At least they get to go outside and play with their friends.

I Do Not Want One Of These

I Do Not Want One Of These

You should know me pretty well by now. I’ve been writing on this webpage since forever. If you’ve been paying attention, even a little bit, you’d know that there’s no way I’d want one of these.

No, I don’t want one of these. I want more than one of these. I want, very badly, to have a squadron of these. A flotte of these. An entire air force of these. I want to start a navy, too, and build aircraft carriers to launch even more of these. I want to build a replica White House, just so I can appoint a Secretary of War and tell him to buy more of these, every day. And get out of here with that “Secretary of Defense” nonsense. It’s War, capital W war, red in tooth and claw, buddy.

No, I do not want one of these.

[Thanks to our friend Gerard at American Digest, who no doubt wants two of these, for sending that along]

There’s Dashcam Footage, And Then There’s Syrian Dashcam Footage

There’s Dashcam Footage, And Then There’s Syrian Dashcam Footage


I’m a veteran. No, not that kind. I mean I’m an Intertunnel veteran. I’ve seen dashcam footage, my friend. You don’t wanna know. You weren’t there. Man, I’ve seen Russian dashcam footage.I have flashbacks from those. But now I’ve discovered the ultimate the Intertunnel has to offer from a GoPro stuck on your windscreen: Syrian dashcam footage.

Here’s a glorious hour of people I don’t much care for blowing up people I don’t like. They take turns a little in the middle. All of Syria seems to be some sort of concrete block salesman’s idea of paradise, and it crumbles nicely whether you shoot it or bump into it.

The tankers seem a little confused from time to time about what day it is. On even-numbered days they’re supposed to bomb the rubble, and on odd-numbered days they’re supposed to shell the gravel, but they just seem to be mixing and matching, like a hungover man trying to find a pair of socks in the dark on Monday morning.

It’s like Call of Duty with more dust. Rock on, Fouad. Make sure you let civilization know how it all turns out.

(Thanks to Gerard at American Digest for sending that one along)

Gentlemen, We Cannot Afford A Silverware Gap

Gentlemen, We Cannot Afford A Silverware Gap


Here you see the Russian military training for the all-important knifey-spoony maneuver. It’s a bit spoon heavy, I grant you, but you can see the danger that we’ll be caught flat-footed, what with our military busy perfecting unmanned aircraft technology, making sure drone deliveries by Amazon don’t get shot down by sleeper cells with BB guns or something.  We should be training to counter lightning larder raids by those damn Russkies.

We’ll grow complacent, and BAM! — cutlery. Gentlemen, we cannot afford a silverware gap.

(Thanks to Charles Schneider for sending that one along)