We can’t help ourselves, really.
We generally make a mess, of course. Make noise. Make trouble. Make problems. Cause complications and anxiety. We darken your doorstep and dirty your dishes and drink your booze and leave the refrigerator door open.
When all else fails, we do something useful.
Hi, I’m Abnormal Abram. Welcome to this episode of This New House. On today’s episode, we’ll lovingly craft a kitchen cabinet from eco-friendly, sustainable sawdust, staples, formaldehyde, and shelf paper.
Of course some viewers will misunderstand why I’m going so fast. Some will think that I’m racing to finish the cabinets so that the kitchen will be done in time to cook dinner. Nah. Some will misapprehend that I’m racing to finish the cabinets in order to make more money. But I’m paid hourly, not piecework. Others will guess wrong and assume I’m trying to finish the cabinets before the general contractor can get a building permit at the town hall, which is certainly the case because the Conservation Committee only meets once a month. But that’s not it.
It’s just that I gotta finish this before I take a whizz. Don’t worry, I’ll go back to malingering after.
Sports are fun, or supposed to be, anyway. A diversion. This is the sort of life they’re supposed to be a diversion from. Real work. Sports-watching has become attenuated over the years. Because there’s so much money and fame in it, playing games professionally has nudged out and replaced the reason for its existence, which is the amusement of people who need to plop themselves in a chair at the end of a long day. Even if it is a barstool. Cradle to grave, playing sports is considered a world unto itself.
If I could bet on the oil rig worker in the video, I would. I suppose I am, in a way, because I’m driving around in a car, and I need what he’s drilling for. If I could cheer for him, I would. I suppose I am, by posting this video.
Get it? It’s a joke. A pun. Knot easy is a pun. A pun is just like a joke, only not funny. Knot funny, if you will.
Do you know who never used puns? Men who gnu how to tie knots. I mean, knew how to tie knots. Sailors who did more than enter regattas. Painters, carpenters, and window washers who needed to set up rigging for planks when hanging off the side of tall structures. Believe you me, if your life depended on the quality of your knots, you’d learn more than the “tie your shoes” knot.