Hi, I’m Abnormal Abram. Welcome to this episode of This New House. On today’s episode, we’ll lovingly craft a kitchen cabinet from eco-friendly, sustainable sawdust, staples, formaldehyde, and shelf paper.

Of course some viewers will misunderstand why I’m going so fast. Some will think that I’m racing to finish the cabinets so that the kitchen will be done in time to cook dinner. Nah. Some will misapprehend that I’m racing to finish the cabinets in order to make more money. But I’m paid hourly, not piecework. Others will guess wrong and assume I’m trying to finish the cabinets before the general contractor can get a building permit at the town hall, which is certainly the case because the Conservation Committee only meets once a month. But that’s not it.

It’s just that I gotta finish this before I take a whizz. Don’t worry, I’ll go back to malingering after.