That Gatorade looked a bit flat. I think we need to form a committee to investigate this disturbing turn of events. I’m also relatively sure that the two buckets are not married, and their their hideous spawn is not as legitimate as we’re being led to believe. The truth is out there, people, you just need to make stuff up to find it.
My name is Dillon, and if you study with my eight-week program you will learn a system of picking up chick that I developed over two seasons of flying over California. It’s called Dillon Kwon Do! After one week with me in my eight-week program, you’ll be prepared to fly with the strength of an osprey, the reflexes of a cockatoo, and the wisdom of a man.
I heard that Jerry Miculek can eat a bowl of nails without any milk. I heard he once killed Wolafman Jack with a trident, and then he hunted down and killed the banana splits with a machete. I heard he organized a merger between UNICEF and Smith & Wesson. It’s a little known fact that the Miculek family crest is a picture of a barracuda eating Neil Armstrong. I heard he drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls, which is probably why Jerry Miculek is the only person Chuck Norris truly fears.
Ah, video games. I used to play a lot of video games. I still do — but I used to, too. I had to stop for a while because I blamed all my irregular tendencies on video games. Little did they know that beating up hobos was just something that I did on my own time, and it didn’t have anything to do with my obsession with Viva Pinata and the Sims.