Ah, video games. I used to play a lot of video games. I still do — but I used to, too. I had to stop for a while because I blamed all my irregular tendencies on video games. Little did they know that beating up hobos was just something that I did on my own time, and it didn’t have anything to do with my obsession with Viva Pinata and the Sims.

Anyways, I recently started playing video games again, and I can see that I haven’t missed much. The games make a satisfying bleep bloop noise when you push the buttons, and people fall over when you shoot at them for long enough. There’s not much more that a man could ask more in a video game. Except maybe more hobo beatings.