My name is Max Power, and if you study with my eight-week program you will learn a system of pleasing all the ladies that I developed over two seasons of making hot chicks teeter on the edge of hysteria. It’s called Max Power Kwon Do! After one week with me in my eight-week program, you’ll be prepared to defend your airspace with the strength of a grizzly, the reflexes of a puma, and the wisdom of a man.
He’s in the middle of the water, yet he’s wearing a helmet. I’m not sure what he thinks he’s going to hit his head on. Maybe the helmet is keeping his shattered skull together after a failed attempt at a different stunt, but it’s still quite confusing. Why a helmet and not a life jacket? That seems much more practical. While being practical isn’t my strong suit, I can usually identify, target, and hunt down the practical. Then again, having an aquatic dirt bike isn’t exactly the most practical thing in the world.
(Warning: there is some salty language.)
I’ve always fancied myself as a magician. I don’t look like a magician, or know any tricks, but I can be very forceful. Even if a trick goes wrong, confidence and assertiveness can bail you out of any situation. I’ve bluffed my way out of card tricks, escape acts, and accidental amputations. Saying: “It’s okay, they’re supposed to be screaming!”, will get you out of a lot of sticky situations. However, cleaning up afterwards in unavoidable. The human body has a lot more blood than you might realize, so come prepared. Always keep a mop and some bleach in your hat, next to the doves and rabbits.
To be completely honest, he has much better dance moves than anyone else in a one-mile radius. The best they can muster is jumping in place and pointing. They don’t feel it. They’re not movin, groovin, and bumpin. I, too, dance like a dad, so I know a thing or two about busting a move. You’ve gotta get your whole spirit in it. You gotta put your hands in the air like you don’t care. You need to embarrass someone.