To be completely honest, he has much better dance moves than anyone else in a one-mile radius. The best they can muster is jumping in place and pointing. They don’t feel it. They’re not movin, groovin, and bumpin. I, too, dance like a dad, so I know a thing or two about busting a move. You’ve gotta get your whole spirit in it. You gotta put your hands in the air like you don’t care. You need to embarrass someone.

That part is very important. If you don’t have anyone to embarrass, you need hold off on the dancing and find someone to procreate with. You’ll never find someone after dancing like that, so you need a kid way before you can start dancing.

Once you have a son or daughter to publicly shame, the dance moves come naturally. Unless they run from your presence, screaming and crying about how they hate you — you’re doing it wrong.