Everybody needs a good slap upside the head from time to time. I sure as hell need one. Almost constantly. If I didn’t hit myself, I don’t know what I would do. You’d find me on a street corner, giving away Bernie Sanders bumper stickers, and taking pictures of people’s feet as they walked by. The world descends into chaos without the slap.
I don’t think I can argue with this, but I can tell you a thing or two about helping your neighbors, building your local economy, and improving your nation. None of it can compare to getting completely blitzed. When was the last time your neighbors did anything for you? Exactly. Anyways, alcohol has been helping man for over 4000 years.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5nZQZya7nA8
I want to recommend these to my family and friends, but I do not want one. I want to get one for my wife who doesn’t exist yet, and all of my children who will not exist for several decades. I want to get elected to local office, so I can decree that every citizen gets one. I want to load an AC-130 full of flamethrowers and launch them into every home on the North American Continent. I want to conquer other countries and use their resources to make even more flamethrowers for my own nefarious purposes.
I don’t want one of these things — I want two of these, in case one is in the shop
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9qHdPhkSSNQ
Now, I don’t like to argue with ads, but I feel like this one is a little inaccurate. The only way that fellow could possibly have docked his boat with such bravado is if he was completely blitzed. And I mean absolutely smashed. Completely derailed. I’m talking white-girl wasted. Boating can be dangerous if you’re sober, so why take the risk? Down whatever you can find and hit the seas. Now you won’t have to worry about the dangers of boating, and you can actually enjoy it instead of focusing on every minute detail.