I Don’t Want One Of These

I Don’t Want One Of These

I want to recommend these to my family and friends, but I do not want one. I want to get one for my wife who doesn’t exist yet, and all of my children who will not exist for several decades. I want to get elected to local office, so I can decree that every citizen gets one. I want to load an AC-130 full of flamethrowers and launch them into every home on the North American Continent. I want to conquer other countries and use their resources to make even more flamethrowers for my own nefarious purposes.

I don’t want one of these things — I want two of these, in case one is in the shop

While I’m using one of my two flamethrowers I’ll be listening to a playlist consisting of the Talking Heads, The Crazy World of Arthur Brown, and the Trammps. Flame on, or something to that extent.

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