Imagine what you could do with a big lighter. You could start a campfire in mere seconds. You could also bring this bad boy to a concert and show how much you love the band. Or you could light all 68 candles on your mother’s birthday cake and cook the frosting a little.
Just imagine these things, of course. Don’t actually do them.
To hell with my flying car. I want a flying flamethrower.
I don’t even want a self-driving car, never mind a flying one. I can run over bicyclists and crash into light poles just fine on my own, thanks. I want a flying flamethrower. I don’t want AI to pick out my clothes, or my next video, or run my stock portfolio. My clothes are all Christmas presents, everything on Netflix is equally bad, and I don’t have a stock portfolio because I got sued for running over those bicyclists, remember? But I want a flying flamethrower, yessiree. Stop using technology to do things I don’t care about. I don’t need a backup camera on my car, I need a flying flamethrower. I don’t need a smart meter. I need a flying flamethrower. Melt down that CAT scanner and make me a flying flamethrower, pronto.
Now, I’ll grant you that there is a faint possibility, and I mean very faint, that this thing might be used for less than productive activities. Nefarious reasons, even. I have to admit that. I have to admit that because that’s what I’d use it for. The nefariouser the better. And I’d giggle the whole time. I want a flying flamethrower.
I want to recommend these to my family and friends, but I do not want one. I want to get one for my wife who doesn’t exist yet, and all of my children who will not exist for several decades. I want to get elected to local office, so I can decree that every citizen gets one. I want to load an AC-130 full of flamethrowers and launch them into every home on the North American Continent. I want to conquer other countries and use their resources to make even more flamethrowers for my own nefarious purposes.
I don’t want one of these things — I want two of these, in case one is in the shop
Things are beginning to heat up over here at the Blog For Boys. I’m not talking about the video, either. While it’s true that we’ve been delivering sizzling hot videos every day for a while now, a lot’s been going on in the background. The northernmost half of the Earth is tilting towards the Sun, or something like that, so the weather is strangely bearable. When I can be bothered to get out of bed in the morning, I throw open my windows and greet the new day by shouting at passing cars. During the winter, I find it difficult to keep up with my hobbies, which is why I relish every day of the spring, summer, and fall. I can’t go out in my underwear and terrorize the neighborhood when it’s -20 degrees outside.