Remember kids, fireworks can’t hurt you as long as you’re drunk. Feel free to light them off from your front porch.  You can stand right under the explosions and let the spent rockets rain down on you until the cops come. When they finally arrive, offer them a beer and some fireworks, because they probably came to party. On July 4th, we’re all perps.

Everyone here at the BSBFB hopes everyone has a great July 4th holiday. A big shoutout to anyone who will forever be known as ‘Lefty’ after the festivities. And remember, today is your last chance to to stock up on fireworks for next year. On July 5th, every fireworks shop turns back into an abandoned Men’s Wearhouse.