I don’t know who these guys are. I don’t know where they’re at. I don’t know what they’re celebrating, if anything. But if they belong anywhere, they belong right here on the BSBFB.
Videos from Asia are always good for a giggle. Of course, Russia has the highest camcorder to drunken shenanigan ratio in the world, but countries like China and Japan are swiftly bringing up the rear. Japan has its firm foothold in the uncanny valley somewhere between early Pixar animations and Wayne Newton’s plasticine forehead, and China likes to keep things explosive. Most Chinese videos can be found on Live Leak, which is like YouTube for the sort of person who thinks Silence of The Lambs is a comedy and collects roadkill. Anyways, the Chinese videos that find their way onto YouTube are decidedly entertaining when no one’s being beheaded.
Looking back, I think I may have given videos from China a bad rap. I’m not trying to say that one type of video is better than another. Japanese videos are like having your head caved in by a scantily-dressed schoolgirl with a steel truncheon, and the Russians like to keep things light and fluffy by drinking enough vodka to make James Joyce think twice about showing up to their garden parties. Apart from the occasional snuff film, Chinese videos are the dog’s bollocks, the bee’s knees, and everything you should look for in a significant other.
Korea, on the other hand, has forever been tainted by Gangnam Style and everything associated with it. The darn thing spread like turbo-ebolAIDs, and scorched the Intertunnel clean for a solid month. Anything that powerful should be avoided at all costs.
I’m really hoping that we get some good videos out of Mongolia soon. Actually, that might not be such a good idea, now that I think of it. The last time anything came sweeping out of Mongolia most of Eurasia was pillaged.
Well, say what you want about the ethics of Genghis Khan and his band of unruly chartered accountants, at least it’s not Gangnam Style.
Remember kids, fireworks can’t hurt you as long as you’re drunk. Feel free to light them off from your front porch. You can stand right under the explosions and let the spent rockets rain down on you until the cops come. When they finally arrive, offer them a beer and some fireworks, because they probably came to party. On July 4th, we’re all perps.
Everyone here at the BSBFB hopes everyone has a great July 4th holiday. A big shoutout to anyone who will forever be known as ‘Lefty’ after the festivities. And remember, today is your last chance to to stock up on fireworks for next year. On July 5th, every fireworks shop turns back into an abandoned Men’s Wearhouse.
Fireworks are a man’s best friend. They make dogs look like angry ex girlfriends, except dogs usually don’t burn your clothes after they’re done ripping them up. Fireworks will still burn your clothes, but you can fix that by simply not wearing a shirt. The average BSBFB reader knows enough to start off shirtless, so that problem probably won’t come up.